Stress.

Ciao,

I have just attempted to write the first post for my 'What you need' series and blahhhhhhhhhhh my brain just wont co operate with me. It has been like this all day long. I took a day off work today because I felt awful when I woke up, I was losing my voice, my throat hurt and I had a stinking headache. The headache hasn't gone all day despite taking ibuprofen and sleeping but my voice is nearly normal again. I think this is all down to stress as I have been feeling down all this week. My Dad is in absolute agony at the moment with his neck and it's distressing to see someone you love in that much pain especially when you can't help. As a result of the neck pain the doctors have put his chemotherapy on hold and he has an appointment at the hospital for his neck on Friday. I'm stressing because I get the feeling that my Dad is going to have to have a second operation on his neck and I really don't want that to happen if I'm not in the country as it's major spinal surgery. I was just beginning to feel comfortable with the idea of leaving the country and now a spanner has been thrown in the works. I've also been worrying about my Mum, sister and brother; if my Dad has to have another operation on his neck it will be done in a hospital which is an hour away from home and will mean my Mum spends her days travelling to and from this hospital as she did for weeks over the summer. When this happens I take on as much of my Mums chores as I can, I do the washing, ironing, cooking and general cleaning so she doesn't have to worry about it. I'm worried that if my Dad is still an hour away when I leave for Italy that all of this is going to fall to my brother in which case they're in big trouble as he can't use a washing machine or cook!  Even worse is if the pressure falls to my 16 year old sister who is currently studying for her GCSE's. This is making me feel like I'm abandoning my family when they need me and I feel I'm being selfish. I guess I'll have to wait until Friday to know what's going to happen and hope that things are back on track in the next 3 weeks before I leave. 

Ciao for now...